Saturday, March 07, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Essay I Don’t Want to Write
This title may arouse your curiosity; it has mine. As I write intuitively, we are both reading it for the first time. It’s about facing yourself. Last night my son took me to hear Krishna Das. It was a lovely evening of kirtan...him leading the audience in chant and response. I had never had this experience before and it was powerful. It lasted almost three hours and at the end, as the last strains of his harmonium died away, a rich silence was felt. It rang with inner music.
The words that KD spoke were self-deprecating and far-reaching. He said he hung out at the back of the temple where his guru, Neem Karoli Baba, and his disciples were. He was, he said, “at the back of the temple in his inner darkness.” He said with a soft laugh that outer darkness is nothing compared to the inner. Everyone can relate to that.
At another point in the music, he also said that all of us have to be forced to serve God.
A truth like that needs lots of space around it.
He speaks of western culture teaching us to be too hard on ourselves. We have to let go and trust ourselves and our lives. Use the letting go muscle.
I read a few articles about him today about how he knew he had to begin singing in America to people who hadn’t known him in India. He offered himself up and the rest is history.
I called this the essay I don’t want to write because I know I haven’t really done this yet.
When I do, there will be lots of space around me.
*****
My mother is in the last days of her terminal cancer. I received a powerful message
from a sage today: “Forgive the cancer.”
Sit with that and be healed.
If you want to write me, here I am.
This title may arouse your curiosity; it has mine. As I write intuitively, we are both reading it for the first time. It’s about facing yourself. Last night my son took me to hear Krishna Das. It was a lovely evening of kirtan...him leading the audience in chant and response. I had never had this experience before and it was powerful. It lasted almost three hours and at the end, as the last strains of his harmonium died away, a rich silence was felt. It rang with inner music.
The words that KD spoke were self-deprecating and far-reaching. He said he hung out at the back of the temple where his guru, Neem Karoli Baba, and his disciples were. He was, he said, “at the back of the temple in his inner darkness.” He said with a soft laugh that outer darkness is nothing compared to the inner. Everyone can relate to that.
At another point in the music, he also said that all of us have to be forced to serve God.
A truth like that needs lots of space around it.
He speaks of western culture teaching us to be too hard on ourselves. We have to let go and trust ourselves and our lives. Use the letting go muscle.
I read a few articles about him today about how he knew he had to begin singing in America to people who hadn’t known him in India. He offered himself up and the rest is history.
I called this the essay I don’t want to write because I know I haven’t really done this yet.
When I do, there will be lots of space around me.
*****
My mother is in the last days of her terminal cancer. I received a powerful message
from a sage today: “Forgive the cancer.”
Sit with that and be healed.
If you want to write me, here I am.
Monday, February 16, 2009
I have added a new link. It is Randolph. Below is the link to his beautiful
video called Liberation. Believe it or not, I had this dream myself some years ago. It was a “big dream,” pointing to the ultimate freedom. Watch it and let yourself soar.
Several days ago I learned that my mother has terminal cancer. As you can imagine, I have shed some tears. At first the doctor said she had less than a month; but today he sent her back to the nursing home where she lives. He told my sister to take it one day at a time. As some of you know, it was my sister who sat with Bob as he made his transition. My mother is in good hands, as Amma is her guru and watches over us all.
I spoke with my dearest friend about whether or not I should visit my mother. It is a long fly-drive and the weather is frigid. More than that, I saw her this summer and have lovely memories of that, which will turn out to be the last time I saw her in good health. She is 87 and has been the family matriarch for a good many years.
My friend said this to me: “You ARE sitting with the dying. You sit with it every day. And then you write. And then if someone is open enough, they read it and understand. The
work you do is for those left behind. Making the unbearable bearable.”
I love you all and will continue to be here....will you?
video called Liberation. Believe it or not, I had this dream myself some years ago. It was a “big dream,” pointing to the ultimate freedom. Watch it and let yourself soar.
Several days ago I learned that my mother has terminal cancer. As you can imagine, I have shed some tears. At first the doctor said she had less than a month; but today he sent her back to the nursing home where she lives. He told my sister to take it one day at a time. As some of you know, it was my sister who sat with Bob as he made his transition. My mother is in good hands, as Amma is her guru and watches over us all.
I spoke with my dearest friend about whether or not I should visit my mother. It is a long fly-drive and the weather is frigid. More than that, I saw her this summer and have lovely memories of that, which will turn out to be the last time I saw her in good health. She is 87 and has been the family matriarch for a good many years.
My friend said this to me: “You ARE sitting with the dying. You sit with it every day. And then you write. And then if someone is open enough, they read it and understand. The
work you do is for those left behind. Making the unbearable bearable.”
I love you all and will continue to be here....will you?
Friday, February 13, 2009
Happy Valentine’s Day...I went to Dunkin’ Donuts for a dozen and obviously they are more popular than roses...because I ended up with the last few they had, practically. Bitterly disappointed to get only one chocolate one...and some I didn’t like especially. But then I never met a donut I didn’t like.
I didn’t see Larry and Ruin in there. It’s a sad day when you don’t see them at DD or Walmart...
I don’t have any new material this week. Visit yourself consciously instead and be your own valentine.
Love and powder sugar hugs...Vicki
Write me to request an MP3 here.
I didn’t see Larry and Ruin in there. It’s a sad day when you don’t see them at DD or Walmart...
I don’t have any new material this week. Visit yourself consciously instead and be your own valentine.
Love and powder sugar hugs...Vicki
Write me to request an MP3 here.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Someone asked me to talk about inner peace and the result is two new MP3’s. They are Part I: The Spiritual Snag and Part II: Mount "I Want To, But I Can't". Rather than me trying to explain them, why not just go to Audio and listen. If you have a subject you would like to hear me discuss, I want to hear from you.
I have been cooking my brains out-everything from Peanut Butter Bars to Chicken Tortilla Soup. It’s too cold to do much else. I have been reading through some old Swami Z material and I think it’s time to reprise him. So stay tuned.
Today I made Disappearing Marshmallow Brownies. I may be getting to be a better cook than Swami...
Next week is Valentine's. I love you all.
Vicki
You can send me a Valentine here :)
I have been cooking my brains out-everything from Peanut Butter Bars to Chicken Tortilla Soup. It’s too cold to do much else. I have been reading through some old Swami Z material and I think it’s time to reprise him. So stay tuned.
Today I made Disappearing Marshmallow Brownies. I may be getting to be a better cook than Swami...
Next week is Valentine's. I love you all.
Vicki
You can send me a Valentine here :)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
In Days of Great Peace is on Fishpond Thoughts and an MP3 by that name is on Audio. It's not the same copy, so give it a listen.
No one has taken me up on doing an MP3 on a subject which interests them. The invitation is an open one.....write me at Vicki.
What's going on with you readers these days....comment now!
Love, Vicki
No one has taken me up on doing an MP3 on a subject which interests them. The invitation is an open one.....write me at Vicki.
What's going on with you readers these days....comment now!
Love, Vicki
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I wrote the essay below quickly, as I do everything I write. It always feels good to let the truth speak itself, even if it is against yourself. I am glad you liked reading a new essay on Fishpond. Well, you did, didn't you :) Here is my MP3 for the week: By Her Grace (A Hershey Kiss from Heaven). It's a look back at a spiritual memory. Taste it on your tongue. Go to Audio and it will be at the top.
Experiencing Resistance
I picked up The War of Art and began reading it. I had ordered it on the suggestion of a friend who knew I was experiencing resistance in regard to my writing. In less than ten minutes I was hit by an avalanche of understanding....about every negativity I had in relation to Bob’s illness. The author had explained it all.
Not only was I devastated by the diagnosis of “incurable,” I was devastated by my own reaction to my new job as caregiver. I didn’t want to do it. I was furious, rageful and downright disgusted. Surely I would not be asked to shepherd a second family member through a fatal cancer. But I had been picked by the Ironic Selection Committee to do just that.
I felt guilty almost every day at the fact that I was mad as hell about this cancer. Sometimes I would look at my husband and vow he was making it all up just to bring me down. Really. I was that distraught.
What I read in The War of Art is how every noble endeavor arouses resistance, and being a caregiver pushed every button I had so carefully hidden. Instead of feeling guilty, I should have felt the truth of what God was asking me to do....care for a beloved spouse when his time had come.
And so I began....and in that beginning I received my true calling....to write about the very experiences I was resisting so mightily. Day after day, week after week, month after month, I chronicled our experiences with what would turn out to be almost a five-year-battle with multiple myeloma. On December 20, 2004, the cancer won. I surrendered my husband to the good earth and walked on alone.
But now I am partnered with my calling, an inexorable march into the heart of fear. For only in that will I hear God saying to me, Well done.
Experiencing Resistance
I picked up The War of Art and began reading it. I had ordered it on the suggestion of a friend who knew I was experiencing resistance in regard to my writing. In less than ten minutes I was hit by an avalanche of understanding....about every negativity I had in relation to Bob’s illness. The author had explained it all.
Not only was I devastated by the diagnosis of “incurable,” I was devastated by my own reaction to my new job as caregiver. I didn’t want to do it. I was furious, rageful and downright disgusted. Surely I would not be asked to shepherd a second family member through a fatal cancer. But I had been picked by the Ironic Selection Committee to do just that.
I felt guilty almost every day at the fact that I was mad as hell about this cancer. Sometimes I would look at my husband and vow he was making it all up just to bring me down. Really. I was that distraught.
What I read in The War of Art is how every noble endeavor arouses resistance, and being a caregiver pushed every button I had so carefully hidden. Instead of feeling guilty, I should have felt the truth of what God was asking me to do....care for a beloved spouse when his time had come.
And so I began....and in that beginning I received my true calling....to write about the very experiences I was resisting so mightily. Day after day, week after week, month after month, I chronicled our experiences with what would turn out to be almost a five-year-battle with multiple myeloma. On December 20, 2004, the cancer won. I surrendered my husband to the good earth and walked on alone.
But now I am partnered with my calling, an inexorable march into the heart of fear. For only in that will I hear God saying to me, Well done.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
January 16, 2009--Finally, there is a new essay called The Bliss of Being on Fishpond. And when you have read that, I uploaded a new MP3 on Audio.
It’s called How to Forgive Yourself.
Traffic is down; don’t be a stranger...or don’t be any stranger than you already are.
Check back for more goodies or you will have to stay after class and clean my erasers.
I've been plowing through old essays and trying to get them into chronological order. This is a huge job. I changed Macs this summer and this seemed to have messed me up big time. If I ever get things straightened out, woe unto me if I let it get so sloppy again.
Who has a question they would like to hear me discuss on an MP3? Drop me a line...and throw out a subject.
Vicki
It’s called How to Forgive Yourself.
Traffic is down; don’t be a stranger...or don’t be any stranger than you already are.
Check back for more goodies or you will have to stay after class and clean my erasers.
I've been plowing through old essays and trying to get them into chronological order. This is a huge job. I changed Macs this summer and this seemed to have messed me up big time. If I ever get things straightened out, woe unto me if I let it get so sloppy again.
Who has a question they would like to hear me discuss on an MP3? Drop me a line...and throw out a subject.
Vicki
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Lizelle Reymond wrote a book called To Live Within. It is the master’s job to move us into our rightful real estate, which is inside. So I consider that a true calling...to let it be known that all problems must be resolved within. Joel Goldsmith had a list of “Wisdoms,” one of which said that all conflicts must be resolved within. Where else?
Within is where it all begins. Nothing grows from outside in. Nothing. Do you remember how, as a child, you were rocked to sleep in loving arms? If you do, you know that the feeling of comfort arose within your tiny soul. If you were not loved in that way, despair could have arisen in the same place. We are the ones who know the way home. We must travel the interminable distance between head and heart. We will know when we arrive. At that point, the teachings will have born fruit and the ring will be on your finger. The father inside will have blessed you and the mother within will have reclaimed you.
This week, know that all problems arise within and therefore so do all solutions. The way is not for the faint of heart; it is for those who know what is NOT working in their lives. Knowing that is to come home to truth.
No new MP3's this week. Perhaps you have a subject you would like to hear me discuss. If so, drop me a line here.
Within is where it all begins. Nothing grows from outside in. Nothing. Do you remember how, as a child, you were rocked to sleep in loving arms? If you do, you know that the feeling of comfort arose within your tiny soul. If you were not loved in that way, despair could have arisen in the same place. We are the ones who know the way home. We must travel the interminable distance between head and heart. We will know when we arrive. At that point, the teachings will have born fruit and the ring will be on your finger. The father inside will have blessed you and the mother within will have reclaimed you.
This week, know that all problems arise within and therefore so do all solutions. The way is not for the faint of heart; it is for those who know what is NOT working in their lives. Knowing that is to come home to truth.
No new MP3's this week. Perhaps you have a subject you would like to hear me discuss. If so, drop me a line here.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Two subjects covered on Audio this week...
Question about Unconditional Love
Question about Attachment
Question about Unconditional Love
Question about Attachment
Thursday, January 01, 2009
I posted an MP3 that I did by request. It is Attachment on Audio.
If you have a question that you would like for me to answer on an MP3, drop me a line here.
There is an energy exchange that takes place that is very beneficial. You might call it
the teaching/learning experience....whatever it is, it lifts you into a higher state of
awareness.
Vicki
If you have a question that you would like for me to answer on an MP3, drop me a line here.
There is an energy exchange that takes place that is very beneficial. You might call it
the teaching/learning experience....whatever it is, it lifts you into a higher state of
awareness.
Vicki
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
There is little that excites me outside of walking the path. Without the way, where would we be? But the path is difficult and exacting, until the moment that spiritual relief occurs. And this cannot be manipulated or artificially attained. Grace ushers us into the presence of God in its own sweet time. And we are trained to wait patiently rather than storming heaven.
I am impatient by nature, so this lifetime has been one of testing for me. I have to slow down, breathe and call on higher awareness to rescue me when I have bungled yet again.
Bob was an engineer and hated to hang pictures on bare clean walls. But my mother was a water colorist, so there were always pictures she had given us to frame and hang. He measured and marked and frowned as he went about the tedious job of hanging them just right. Now me, I take a pushpin and plunge it into the wallpaper to hang a calendar. And every month I make another sloppy hole. It doesn’t bother
me a bit. Vive la difference.
When I write, it is quickly and intuitively. I trust the voice I have come to recognize as “mine.” I always say it is God’s little joke on me that I tell everything when I write. That is because I am a very private Scorpio in every other way. I was born grown-up, according to my mother and was called Miss Priss. But I also have a wickedly funny side I inherited from my father. I wrote some pretty naughty lines back in my comedy-writing days.
But back to this website and its purpose. It began to support Bob when he was dying. It soon turned me into a writer driven by my passion. I hope you will come back to share life with me as I write and speak. I guarantee it will be genuine if nothing else.
I want you to come with me into the now. It is a dynamically healing place.
On the Audio Page you will find the first MP3's of 2009. They are
Become a Regular
The Kwan Yin Vow
Handcuffed
A Foot in the Door
I have archived the Updates and Audio pages for 2008. That means they have gone away. I am always reluctant to do this, but the old must give way to the new.
The updates are done frequently, so at the end of each year there is rich treasure trove of essays and new recordings. I hope you have enjoyed them all.
Each audio is an adventure into the tao. I hope you will come along with me as I record them this year.
I appreciate regular small donations to the site, as this keeps my operating expenses in line....so give what you can when you can! Thank you for being here for me as I am for you. I love you all.
Vicki
I am impatient by nature, so this lifetime has been one of testing for me. I have to slow down, breathe and call on higher awareness to rescue me when I have bungled yet again.
Bob was an engineer and hated to hang pictures on bare clean walls. But my mother was a water colorist, so there were always pictures she had given us to frame and hang. He measured and marked and frowned as he went about the tedious job of hanging them just right. Now me, I take a pushpin and plunge it into the wallpaper to hang a calendar. And every month I make another sloppy hole. It doesn’t bother
me a bit. Vive la difference.
When I write, it is quickly and intuitively. I trust the voice I have come to recognize as “mine.” I always say it is God’s little joke on me that I tell everything when I write. That is because I am a very private Scorpio in every other way. I was born grown-up, according to my mother and was called Miss Priss. But I also have a wickedly funny side I inherited from my father. I wrote some pretty naughty lines back in my comedy-writing days.
But back to this website and its purpose. It began to support Bob when he was dying. It soon turned me into a writer driven by my passion. I hope you will come back to share life with me as I write and speak. I guarantee it will be genuine if nothing else.
I want you to come with me into the now. It is a dynamically healing place.
On the Audio Page you will find the first MP3's of 2009. They are
Become a Regular
The Kwan Yin Vow
Handcuffed
A Foot in the Door
I have archived the Updates and Audio pages for 2008. That means they have gone away. I am always reluctant to do this, but the old must give way to the new.
The updates are done frequently, so at the end of each year there is rich treasure trove of essays and new recordings. I hope you have enjoyed them all.
Each audio is an adventure into the tao. I hope you will come along with me as I record them this year.
I appreciate regular small donations to the site, as this keeps my operating expenses in line....so give what you can when you can! Thank you for being here for me as I am for you. I love you all.
Vicki
Saturday, December 27, 2008
December 27, 08
I have been at work all morning. I have archived most of the MP3's on Audio and also most of my updates for 2008. Should you care to download these MP3's, they will be onsite until January 1, 2009, so act fast! You might consider a small donation if you decide to do that. (Go to Audio to donate and download.)
Donations help me buy batteries for the recorder and defray the costs of the website. What are they?
The price of a digital recorder.
Batteries for it.
Monthly website costs
Annual renewal for the website names...bobwoodyard.com and vickiwoodyard.com
Miscellaneous expenses involved in being a writer. They add up.
The work I do in writing and speaking is free and voluntary.
What a deal!
I wish each of you a happy new year.
This will be the beginning of my fifth year without Bob. I owe the website to him. His charge for me before he died was to find my passion. I live it daily and am grateful to all of my readers and listeners.
Love, Vicki
I have been at work all morning. I have archived most of the MP3's on Audio and also most of my updates for 2008. Should you care to download these MP3's, they will be onsite until January 1, 2009, so act fast! You might consider a small donation if you decide to do that. (Go to Audio to donate and download.)
Donations help me buy batteries for the recorder and defray the costs of the website. What are they?
The price of a digital recorder.
Batteries for it.
Monthly website costs
Annual renewal for the website names...bobwoodyard.com and vickiwoodyard.com
Miscellaneous expenses involved in being a writer. They add up.
The work I do in writing and speaking is free and voluntary.
What a deal!
I wish each of you a happy new year.
This will be the beginning of my fifth year without Bob. I owe the website to him. His charge for me before he died was to find my passion. I live it daily and am grateful to all of my readers and listeners.
Love, Vicki
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Here is a bonus MP3 called A Question From a Reader. Click on Audio and then on the title.
I like getting questions and sometimes I don't "hear" the answer until I let it arrive into the recorder.
I refuse to get the Christmas Crazies this year. I may get fat, but not crazy. I made some white fudge with pistachios and Craisins yesterday. Before that, I made spiced pecans and sugar cookies.
I was talking to a friend today who is on my wavelength. She was exhausted from the frenetic vibes of the season. Tis the season to be overworked, underpaid with notes of guilt, loneliness and angst. I think I will create a fragrance about that called Noel, Hell no.
If that offended anyone, you are just not being honest with yourself. The true noel is an inner chord struck by the Master. To that I say Heavens, yes.
Love, Vicki
I like getting questions and sometimes I don't "hear" the answer until I let it arrive into the recorder.
I refuse to get the Christmas Crazies this year. I may get fat, but not crazy. I made some white fudge with pistachios and Craisins yesterday. Before that, I made spiced pecans and sugar cookies.
I was talking to a friend today who is on my wavelength. She was exhausted from the frenetic vibes of the season. Tis the season to be overworked, underpaid with notes of guilt, loneliness and angst. I think I will create a fragrance about that called Noel, Hell no.
If that offended anyone, you are just not being honest with yourself. The true noel is an inner chord struck by the Master. To that I say Heavens, yes.
Love, Vicki
Friday, December 12, 2008
This just in: Part II of A Christmas Box is on Audio. It's called Why I Share.
Give it a listen and submit a comment.
Dec. 12, 2008--It’s time to sink into a nice hot bath....to soak in the Self that you are. To absorb right energy, conscious energy. You owe it to yourself to rest and relax. As Pamela Wilson says, “Rest and rapture....what else is there?”
Listen to this MP3 called A Nice Hot Bath on Audio. Be sure and dry off or you will be all wet...
Holidays take energy from us as rapidly as casinos take money. You can bet on it.
What can you do to put some nice fresh energy back into yourself? Listen to Into Wholeness Now on Audio and find out. I give you three energy statements to play with. Write them down and try them out.
I vow to relieve the suffering of all sentient beings.
I am in God’s presence now.
I choose to love myself.
Today is Bob Woodyard's birthday. May he rest in peace..
Give it a listen and submit a comment.
Dec. 12, 2008--It’s time to sink into a nice hot bath....to soak in the Self that you are. To absorb right energy, conscious energy. You owe it to yourself to rest and relax. As Pamela Wilson says, “Rest and rapture....what else is there?”
Listen to this MP3 called A Nice Hot Bath on Audio. Be sure and dry off or you will be all wet...
Holidays take energy from us as rapidly as casinos take money. You can bet on it.
What can you do to put some nice fresh energy back into yourself? Listen to Into Wholeness Now on Audio and find out. I give you three energy statements to play with. Write them down and try them out.
I vow to relieve the suffering of all sentient beings.
I am in God’s presence now.
I choose to love myself.
Today is Bob Woodyard's birthday. May he rest in peace..
Sunday, December 07, 2008
This is the companion to A Christmas Box. When you unwrap the box, it's me ;)
Go to Audio and click on Why I Share.
It's right under A Christmas Box!
Love, Vicki
Go to Audio and click on Why I Share.
It's right under A Christmas Box!
Love, Vicki
Saturday, December 06, 2008
I just uploaded A Christmas Box to Audio. What I want you to do is sit down and relax for a few minutes as you listen. There is nothing new or different being said; it is the state of peace being communicated.
I am still hoping for a few more Christmas donations. I have two...can you make it three?
Most of you know me by now. What I do is simple. I write about beingness as the solution to everything.
Thanks for dropping by. I welcome your emails and comments.
Write me here and suggest a topic for me to discuss. Thanks!
Vicki
I am still hoping for a few more Christmas donations. I have two...can you make it three?
Most of you know me by now. What I do is simple. I write about beingness as the solution to everything.
Thanks for dropping by. I welcome your emails and comments.
Write me here and suggest a topic for me to discuss. Thanks!
Vicki
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Watching Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison on PBS...weeping when Johnny Cash speaks of home. Writing this:
You are one thought away from enlightenment. What is the thought? It doesn’t matter. It could be about the greatest love of your life or your big toe. It just doesn’t matter.
What matters is that you know this. That you know it so thoroughly that you enter the vacuum of darkness that removing it brings.
Can you bear the darkness of living without that one thought?
This is not a Zen koan but an honest question. Can you experience the answer right now. And if you can’t, why not? Simple goodness resides in that darkness; something so primitive that it has never spoken the first word.
Can you be that basic? Can you tend to your needs as they arise. Can you stop lying to yourself by way of thought so that you can know what darkness really is?
You are one thought away from enlightenment. What is the thought? It doesn’t matter. It could be about the greatest love of your life or your big toe. It just doesn’t matter.
What matters is that you know this. That you know it so thoroughly that you enter the vacuum of darkness that removing it brings.
Can you bear the darkness of living without that one thought?
This is not a Zen koan but an honest question. Can you experience the answer right now. And if you can’t, why not? Simple goodness resides in that darkness; something so primitive that it has never spoken the first word.
Can you be that basic? Can you tend to your needs as they arise. Can you stop lying to yourself by way of thought so that you can know what darkness really is?
Monday, December 01, 2008
Mike asked me to talk about selflessness and giving....so here 'tis. Click on Audio and then click on the MP3
entitled Selfless Giving....
entitled Selfless Giving....
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